I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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