I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
