this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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