Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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