i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
