Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
