next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
