I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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