That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
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