I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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