I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have aggressive nipples.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
