Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
