Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
