I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
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I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
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I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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