...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
