I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Can you bring me the toilet please
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
