No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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