AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
