is your mom at the bar?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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