I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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