So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
