do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
