I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
