You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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