I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
