OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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