you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
This is the high leading the old right now
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
as a side note pls kill me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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