When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
