I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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