I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
