Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
