They should really pass out barf bags in church
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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