Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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