Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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