The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
