Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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