NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
