omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
