God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
