Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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