we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
