It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
