I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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