need another drink. this is the easiest way
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
