R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
