I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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