My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
