somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
And then he peed in my hair
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