It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
