im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
