i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
