actually, I'm a sock model
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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