I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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