shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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