The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
