i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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