if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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