You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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