hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
